The Six Crimes of Office Cleaners

Whether you’re an employer, an employee, or an innocent bystander – we’ve all been there. And by ‘there’ we mean sitting seething as your office cleaner does something that sets your teeth on edge. From the cleaners that suffer selective deafness when it comes to your requests, to the ones that move your ‘favourite cup’ into the communal cupboard from where it shall never return, we take a light-hearted look at the 6 crimes of office cleaners.

Inappropriate Hoovering

You got to work early, just to make this single sales call that will be the key to your companies future success. You had a slight wobble when your conference calling didn’t quite work out and you accidentally put the director of your biggest client on hold for five minutes, but you’ve now sorted that, you take a deep breath to make your pitch and…. The hoover starts up right next to your desk!

You frantically make the international signal for shush to the cleaner who has started this cacophony, but they’re not looking your way.

Or better yet, not only are they not looking your way, but they are now also shoving the vacuum cleaner quite pointedly under your desk, knocking your legs in the process.


Where’s My Stuff Gone?

Whether you’re a neat freak or work in organised chaos – it’s your desk right? So when you power down in the evening, you expect to find everything placed pretty much where you put it.

But lo and behold, you walk in the next morning and everything has moved! While we can all appreciate that cleaners do need to get to desks to give them a spruce up- that’s a little different to finding that the report you left at the top of your in-tray has moved across the room to a colleagues work station and will probably languish there for half the day while you frantically search the whole office.


The Non Verbal Cleaner

You: “We have an important client meeting tomorrow, would it be possible to give conference room three particular attention?”

Cleaner: Tuts


You: “We’ve noticed that the washrooms aren’t as tidy as usual, is there any problem in getting these cleaned?”

Cleaner: Shrugs shoulders


You: We want to pay you three times as much, give you a paid day off every week, and are buying you a puppy

Cleaner: *Sigh


The Earphone Warrior

This criminal cleaner comes in several guises

The Singing Cleaner: We get it! You’re undertaking a task that is made better with music! That’s cool – enjoy your earphones but… Please don’t subject us to your out of tune singing that accompanies it.

The Chatterbox Cleaner: Yep that cleaner who seems to call everyone in their phone book undertaking long, LOUD, conversations as they go about their about their work – completely oblivious to the fact that they are disrupting everyone around them.

The Ignoramus Cleaner: Possibly the worst of the earphone warriors, this is the cleaner who uses the fact that they are wearing earphones to completely ignore everyone (and everything) around them.

The Invisible Cleaner

But up the top in a league of their own is the invisible cleaner. The Invisible Cleaner never seems to appear! Often late, sometimes not there at all, and so great at using their great cleaning cloak of invisibility that you can’t even tell that anything has actually been cleaned.

In fact, the only time the invisible cleaner comes out of hiding is to either to give you yet another excuse as to why they cannot possibly empty a bin, or to chase their payment.


At Cleanest Services, we’ve identified these crimes against humanity  office cleaning, so that you don’t have to! All of our cleaners are expertly trained in understanding office environments. Our recruitment and training processes weed out those who don’t make the grade. So although we can’t promise that they don’t sing out of tune – we can guarantee it won’t happen within your workplace!

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